Thanks to the Guardian, I am now aware that Noddy Holder once sang/wrote ‘I’ve had a red light off the wrist, without me ever being kissed…’ , and thanks to Wikipedia, I am now armed with the knowledge that lyric is in Noddy’s favourite Slade song (whether you choose to believe this information is your prerogative, it makes little difference to me. Maybe you could call Noddy and ask him. Noddy Holder that is, not Big Ears’ closest friend. He’s fictional. And probably never got a red light off the wrist). I am not sure why this is at all relevant, but it has pushed Slade’s greatest hits (Stevo mix) into my head. I’m all crazy now (sp), I can feel the noise (sp.), there’s a radio, wall of sound, and I’m enjoying it. Slade aren’t Disney (Disney never did movies about red lights off the wrist, as far as I know. But then again I’ve never met anyone who’s seen Treasure Planet, and I don’t like to assume), they aren’t being used by some smoky throated winsome chanteuse for flogging John Lewis stuff (like supermarket stuff, but with added Joanna Lumely!), although I would be interested in seeing some slowed down, twinkly piano’d, step daughter-voiced advert singing about red lights off the wrist whilst a decapitated puppy is reincarnated at Christmas and our Lord And Saviour John H Lewis© is entirely responsible and responsible for everything else good and holy that’s ever happened in the world (potential tag line – ‘John Lewis. Because Aldi wants The Terrorists to Win’). They are here in my head and they aren’t being put there by anyone but me, so I feel pretty content with my imagined audio choice.

I guess the punch line to all this would be about that Slade Christmas song. But I’m way above punch lines, they’re so last year.

Way, way above all that.

Not to mention that the above is a poorly constructed excuse to mention red lights off the wrist five times in less than 400 words, and I wasn’t inspired enough to create something cohesive to build it around. Ah bollocks, now I’ve mentioned it.

And I’m Far, Far Away, With my Head Up In The Clouds, I’m Far, Far Away, (etc)…’


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